Eli Roth gets his kicks by taking the things you love and turning them into gory nightmares. You can’t go on vacation anymore without worry that you’ll stumble into a Hostel-like situation, camping trips might turn into a freakish Cabin Fever scenario, and Thanksgiving will never be the same again. Now Roth has turned his attention to one of our most wholesome childhood memories, getting a sweet frozen treat from the ice cream truck. Ice Cream Man is the realization of a decades-long idea that Roth’s had to turn the ice cream truck guy into a devious villain the likes of Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers. Except, this slasher is more like the Pied Piper, using the tasty goodies as a means to turn children into the most violent killers Roth has ever put on a screen, and I want you to think about the ground that covers because it’s significant.
Yes, the extreme violence perpetrated in Ice Cream Man is 100% committed by children, which only makes it more disturbing. And we’re not just talking about simple deaths here. Roth goes to some seriously twisted places to stretch out the titular concept, such as having kids dishing out an adults’ brains with an ice cream scoop. This is Terrifier levels of carnage, to the point that it’s numbing by the time the credits roll.
Roth is at least playing on a darkly comedic level with Ice Cream Man. The film starts like an easygoing summer comedy ala The Sandlot. An all-American suburban neighborhood, kids playing baseball, school bullies, playgrounds, not a cloud in the sky, and, naturally, the ice cream man. Played by Ari Millen with a sadistic glint in his eye and creepy thin mustache, this guy is more interested in sickening vengeance than in dishing out King Cones.
Like those tainted chicken nuggets from 2014’s Cooties, the treats served up in Ice Cream Man turn the kiddos into murderous zombies, their faces and clothes smeared with melted delights and blood alike. They turn their aggression against the adults, the real targets of Ice Cream Man’s wrath for past sins. Teachers get their heads, limbs, and guts shredded by chainsaws; some of them have their innards used as jump ropes, and it actually gets more disgusting from there. Not all of the kids turn, however. A handful, including one kid who is lactose intolerant, avoided the ice cream man’s wares, and must try to stop this massacre while avoiding having ice cream literally shoved into their mouths.
Ice Cream Man is Roth’s sickening idea of a good time, and I have to admit, I had a good time with it, too. Even as the film is basically a single idea stretched to the 90-minute breaking point, it’s just a blast to see Roth in all of his NC-17 glory again. He’s been way too watered down with mediocre mainstream fare of late, such as the awful Borderlands and kiddie flick The House with a Clock in its Walls. The timing is unfortunate, though, as it arrives as we’re experiencing a wave of smart, elevated horrors such as Obsession, Backrooms, and Weapons, which it bears some surface similarity to. It must’ve made it rough for Roth to find the film a home, which is why he created The Horror Section banner to distribute it himself.
That said, there’s still a place for unabashedly grotesque, low-budget stuff like Ice Cream Man that takes carnage to ultimate levels of absurdity. Like too much dessert before dinner, the sheer amount of bloodshed threatens to spoil the whole meal, but for fans operating on Roth’s demented level, there’s enough to savor.
Ice Cream Man opens in theaters August 7th.
