Remember when you were a kid and, after being caught doing something bad, your parents would say “We’re not mad, we’re just disappointed.” It hurt so much worse, right? Well, that’s kind of how I am with these movies. I don’t want to call them “Worsts”, but they are the movies that disappointed me most in 2022.
NOPE- Jordan Peele is given so much rope he lassos himself with this indulgent misfire that can’t hold a single idea for longer than a second. Another victim of high expectations, although I have to be honest that Peele has been diminishing returns since GET OUT.
THOR: LOVE & THUNDER- Twice the Thors, half as funny and entertaining. To be fair, that still makes for an enjoyable romp with Hemsworth’s god of thunder, but the lightning hasn’t struck twice for Taika Waititi.
THE 355- How do you fuck up a globe-hopping spy flick with Jessica Chastain, Lupita Nyong’o, Diane Kruger, Penelope Cruz, and Fan Bingbing? Hire the Dark Phoenix guy to direct and co-write some truly bland action and nonsensical storytelling choices.
LIGHTYEAR- Pixar went to “infinity and beyond” with this Buzz Lightyear-based Toy Story spinoff, but somehow it feels lesser than the beloved adventures from out of the toybox.
BLONDE- Andrew Dominik did the unexpected and gave us the most boring, dark, sexist, and exploitative Marilyn Monroe movie ever, drowning a game performance by Ana de Armas.
MEN- Alex Garland should’ve had one of the dozens of Rory Kinnears come out and explain what the fuck is going on.
DEEP WATER- If Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas’ brief relationship was as dry as this erotic thriller it’s no wonder they didn’t last.
THE WHALE- By the way people were talking about it, I thought this was some kind of masterpiece. Then I realized they were only impressed by Brendan Fraser and the rest of the movie is a fat-shaming nightmare. Well, Hong Chau is pretty good, too. I’ll give it that.
THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF MASSIVE TALENT- A victim of ridiculously high expectations, this bonkers love letter to the great Nic Cage is never quite as funny as it should be.
ENOLA HOLMES 2- It hurts me to put this on the list. The first movie was so refreshing and sparked with such energy thanks to Millie Bobby Brown’s performance. But the sequel is merely okay, with a less engaging story that fails to serve our whipsmart heroine. A serviceable sequel when so much more was expected.
SUMMERING- James Ponsoldt is one of my favorite filmmakers, but his well-intentioned, unsatisfying coming-of-age film for girls features some of the worst acting seen all year.
